For some people, a proposal will come out of the blue. For others, it's something that's been in the works for a while. And for some, it comes after years of waiting, hint dropping about ring styles or maybe even being hurt or frustrated that it hasn't happened yet. And of course, there are plenty of couples who never get engaged or married at all (and even then you don't escape the awkward questions!). The pre-engagement can be such a strange time in many relationships. Depending on your relationship or how long you've been together, you might be oblivious and loved-up, or you might feel dejected and anxious, or indeed, something in the middle.

Because a man proposing to a woman tends to be the status quo for hetero couples, a lot of women feel forced into playing a bit of a waiting game. Then for same sex couples, there are no set traditions as to who should propose and when, which can lead crossed wires. The sheer number of proposals that happen around Christmas and New Year's Eve can bring about odd feelings, and out-of-character behaviour in even the most laid-back of people, especially when you have nosey aunties asking things like 'Any ring this year?' So we wanted to bring you our top tips for managing emotions around that tricky, pre-engagement period.

1. Be Patient

If you've discussed marriage with your partner, maybe even looked at rings, and then... nothing... for months, we'd be a little bit impatient too. Instead of just enjoying this happy time in your life and the excitement of things to come, every time you go for dinner or do anything nice, the big moment looms large. You might even end up going home in a huff when it doesn't happen.

Even if you know it's coming, be patient, and figure out where these feelings are coming from. Are feel a bit rejected or insecure because other people you know are engaged? Chances are your partner is totally oblivious and figuring out a fabulous way to pop the question! It's easier said than done, but try not to read into everything as an imminent proposal, and trust they will pop the question when it's right.

2. Don't Issue Ultimatums

Ultimatums in relationships are never a good idea, but for some people who are eager to get married, or to have kids, once it gets in your head, it can be tempting to give a ‘now or never’ final notice to your other half. It rarely works, and even if it does, the sentiment has been lost, and you might end up really disappointed or hurt. Just be honest. Discussing your concerns, wishes, or ideal timeline in a more calm and candid way is so much more constructive than a confrontation. Which leads us onto our next point…

3. Don't Be Afraid To Bring It Up

You might be surprised to discover that many people never discuss marriage with their other half, even though they really want to get engaged. We know of one friend who never raised the fact with her boyfriend that marriage was important to her, because she didn't want to seem "desperate". You’re not acting desperate when you’re simply discussing your relationship - you’re talking about your own life and your own future, so making sure you’re on the same page is just sensible. It's not about being cool, or nonchalant - strong marriages almost always come with strong communication, and that starts long before you say your ‘I dos’.

4. Don’t Let Other People Get in Your Head

Lots of us are perfectly content in our relationships until other people start to pass comments like, “When’s he going to propose?”, “Do we hear wedding bells?”, “You’re not getting any younger”, and every other cliché in the book. If you’re not careful, all that chatter can get in your head, and put you on edge. Shrug them off, block them out, come up with a go-to response, or if you’re feeling brave, call them out on their outdated silliness. Whatever you do, just don’t take it out on your other half. Other people's tactlessness is not their fault.

5. Pop the Question

If your partner is dragging their heels, there’s nothing stopping you from popping the question yourself! You could be dropping hints for months, or even years, and your other half just might never catch on. So take control. Who cares about tradition or protocol? If you want to be engaged, and you don't think your partner would feel put out that you've stolen their moves, grab the proverbial bull by the horns, and propose!

6. Manage Your Expectations

We talked about managing your expectations around a proposals in a separate feature (give it a read here) and our podcast episode on surviving engagement season (listen here) but to give you the gist, try not to pin all your hopes on a big epic moment, complete with fireworks on a private beach, and a gigantic rock. Because even if you get a perfectly wonderful proposal in the end, it might not live up to the picture in your head. And you don't want to spoil it when the moment arrives, right?

7. Remember They've Got Big Emotions Too

Popping the question to the love of your life is no easy task. There's always the niggling doubt that you might not get a yes, plus there's huge pressure to get it right. Inevitably when you tell other people you got engaged, they want the full proposal story, and your partner might be nervous about getting it right. They will want to make it perfect for you - whether that's a bells-and-whistles proposal or a romantic night at home just the two of you. Just remember that it's their proposal too - so let them do this once-in-a-lifetime thing in their own way, in their own time.

Expecting a new sparkler soon? Check out our engagement ring shopping guides here!