So you're newly engaged. How exciting! Of course, the decision to get married is far more significant than any piece of jewellery. But there's no getting away from the fact that, in the early days after a proposal, the ring is pretty much the only topic swirling around. Everyone who hears your news will inevitably demand, "Show us the ring!" And if you don't instantly love your engagement ring, it can be hard to keep flashing it for every aunty/work colleague/randomer at the gym who wants to see it, and have to feign excitement.
So while it might seem a small detail in the scheme of things, not loving your engagement ring is an issue worth addressing - you're going to have to look at it all day, every day, for the rest of your life, after all! It might help you to know that having mixed feelings about your engagement ring is very common. If that's you (or someone you know), you need to keep reading!
What To Do if You Don't Like Your Engagement Ring:
1. Live With it for a While
If you don't often wear jewellery, particularly fine jewellery, your engagement ring will feel strange on your hand for a while. If you choose your own engagement ring it might be exactly what you wanted, but even then you might find yourself second guessing your choice. If you initially think you don't like your engagement ring, wear it as much as possible, style it with your other jewellery, and live with it for a few weeks if you can (being extra careful not to damage it, of course!). You never know, it might grow on you.
2. Decide If It Needs To Be Changed
For some people, having an engagement ring you're not head over heels in love with, really isn't a big deal. Perhaps it's what it symbolises that counts, or maybe you're not planning to wear it all the time. For others, though, it's a daily reminder that you're wearing something that doesn't feel 'you', and any guilt, irritation, or disappointment around it, will just continue to fester. If you belong in the latter camp, it's up to you to decide what the next step is, either you choose to be content about your ring, or you tell your partner you want to change it.
3. Be Honest But Kind
Telling your new fiancé or fiancée that you're not sure about your engagement ring is a difficult prospect, but it's better to have the conversation sooner rather than later. Be clear, kind and don't place any blame on your partner. Remember, you're starting a conversation, not making a complaint or demanding a new ring! If your partner wants to tell you the reason behind choosing that particular ring, listen to them, and tell them how much you appreciate the thought. Keep your explanations simple - tell them that, while it's a beautiful ring, it's just not the right style for you.
4. Don't Feel Guilty
This one is easier said than done, but try not too feel bad about taking issue with your engagement ring. It's an expensive purchase that you'll rarely take off your hand, so it's not ungrateful to want it to be something you're happy with. Your partner's feelings might be hurt initially, but in the end, all they want is for you to be happy, and have a ring you're excited about wearing.
5. Try to Compromise
After talking with your partner, there's a chance you'll see the ring in a new light. When they explain their choice of a certain stone or setting, it might suddenly become more meaningful to you, and you might have a change of heart. But, if you still want to change your ring, it's important to take your other half's feelings (and bank balance!) into consideration. Depending on where the ring came from, it might be possible to exchange it or rework it, using the stones to create something new.
See if you can make the least expensive option work for you, and if there's an element that your partner was particularly pleased about, for example, they chose an emerald because your favourite colour is green, try to retain that element. It may also be that your partner couldn't afford to buy the ring they wanted. If that's the case, it might be worth saving up for a few years for something you really love - there's no reason why you can't get married with a token ring!
6. Explore Your Options
Your options for changing your ring depend on where it was sourced, so here's advice for each scenario;
- If it's a Store-Bought Ring: Most good jewellery stores have a fair return policies on rings, as long as they're still in the original condition (so be really careful with it while you're figuring out if you want to keep it!). You may not be able to get a refund, but you may be able to swap it for another ring in the store's collection. Keep an open mind - most jewellers carry a wide range of styles. Another option would be to ask the jeweller if they are interested in buying the ring back from you.
- If it's an Inherited Ring: An inherited ring is a little bit trickier, particularly if it's from your other half's family, but again, honesty is key. Explain that, while you're so blown away by the gesture, you feel a little pressured at the thought of looking after a family ring, or you'd like a ring of your own that symbolises your love story rather than someone else's. Perhaps you can keep the family ring to wear on special occasions, or accept another piece of heirloom jewellery that's more your style, but have your own engagement ring for everyday wear.
- If it's a Custom Ring: We always advise that a custom engagement ring should really have the bride's approval before it's finalised - if you have your heart set on a surprise proposal, a token ring will do the job perfectly. This is because a custom engagement ring can't be exchanged, and depending on the design, it can be difficult to resell, too. If your other half has had your ring custom made, chances are, they've put a lot of thought and effort into it, so you'll need to be very considerate of their feelings when discussing it, and it may be more costly to change. Do your research, and weigh up whether it's easier and more cost effective to have the designer alter the design of your original ring, or to design or buy a new ring entirely and try to recoup any losses you can by selling the original.
7. Move on Quickly
Whatever you and your partner decide to do about your engagement ring, do so as swiftly as you can, then move on. Being engaged is such a happy, fun, exciting time, and you don't want any issues hanging over you. It's up to both of you to put it behind you, and press on with all the fun stuff, (like practicing your first dance in the kitchen and testing wedding cake flavours!) If one of you is still carrying some negative feelings about the ring, open up the conversation again, so you can ultimately move past it.
