We really don't like to think negative thoughts here at One Fab Day. In our book, wedding planning should be a fun experience, with as little stress and drama as possible. You're planning a party after all! But while the only cooks in the kitchen planning your wedding should be you and your other half, when it comes to organising a hen party, lots of different personalities and opinions come into play, which is where our guide to minimising drama at a hen party comes in!
With bridesmaids, college mates, work friends, childhood pals, siblings and cousins, all getting together for a night out or a weekend away, planning a hen party can be a feat of diplomacy worthy of a UN ambassador. So whether you're a bride deciding what to do for your hen party, or a bridesmaid putting the plans in place, our tips and advice can help you avoid disputes, and minimise the drama of planning a hen. (I say minimise, because you can't always get rid of it altogether - there's always one, am I right?)
1. Who's In Charge?
We really need a full blog post to talk about choosing bridesmaids, but one of the biggest roles of your bridal party is to plan your hen, so it's important to choose bridesmaids who are up to the task (and who know you well enough to give you the kind of send-off you'd have planned for yourself - but more on that later!).
The perfect hen party planner is organised and unflappable, but still fun and flexible (think not quite a Monica, but not quite a Rachel either). And once you've got your bridesmaids (or hen party planners if you're not having a bridal party), it's over to them to take the lead...
If you're planning as a group of bridesmaids, make sure each of your opinions are listened to; try not to take over, but also be sure to pull your weight. Most issues within bridal parties arise when one person ends up doing all the work - so try to split it up evenly. If you have more time than the other bridesmaids - if the others have kids for example - offer to do the more time-consuming tasks like researching accommodation.
Also remember, it's not a competition, just because one person made the memory book, doesn't mean she's a better pal to the bride than the one who sorted the train times or booked the cocktail class. Things like hen party planning can sometimes bring out insecurities between friends, do your best to keep discussions fun and light!
2. The Guestlist
Who to invite to a hen party is another topic that deserves its own post, but in brief, talk to the bride about who she'd like to have there, and who she definitely doesn't!
One bride might see her hen as a celebration of her singlehood with her closest friends, for another, it's a chance to bring friends from different aspects of her life together ahead of the wedding.
When it comes to extended family and friends, work colleagues and mums, unless you're sure, it's better to err on the side of caution - a smaller group is so much easier to manage, and if it's kept to very close pals, no one will be hurt if they weren't invited.
Don't be afraid to ask guys too, mixed gender hens and stags are more common now, so if there's a boy among the bride's besties and she wants him there, invite him along. He can always say no if it's not his bag.
If you do have to invite someone who tends to cause drama (or get really drunk!) it might be worth assigning someone as a buddy for them - or at least take turns. That way the bride and the rest of the group won't fall victim to their bad behaviour if and when it happens.
3. Setting the Budget
Now this is one of the biggest pitfalls in hen party planning. Obviously you want to give your girl a great time, but you also need to be mindful of everybody's budget.
Try to price up the hen party as early as possible, so everyone knows how much it will cost before they agree to go. While some costs will depend on numbers, even a ballpark figure will be appreciated - it's better for hens to be pleasantly surprised that it costs less, than stressed about it costing more.
Make sure you break down what exactly the costs are covering - there's nothing worse than being told a hen party will cost €200, when you've no idea what you're paying for.
If the cost is creeping up, think about having opt-out elements like spa treatments or one less night for some guests, so everyone can take part, whatever their budget.
The cost of the bride's night or weekend is generally split between the whole group, so make sure you take that into consideration, as well as any goodie bags or decorations. Often any additional extras are split between the bridesmaids - don't go buying pricey balloons or banners without consulting the others, unless you're happy to cover the cost yourself.
If you're paying for things in advance, or dropping big deposits, try to get the money, or at least some of it from the hens ahead of time so you're not out of pocket if anyone drops out.
For more tips, check out this guide to calculating the cost of a hen party.
4. Deciding When To Have It
Generally a hen party is anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before a wedding, and normally it's up to the bride when she wants to have it, but we do have some pointers...
Try to leave at least a pay day between the hen party and the wedding, so the hens can spread out the expense of both.
If you're having the hen weekend at a busy period such as on a bank holiday, over Christmas or Easter, or in the height of wedding season, be prepared that some invitees will be unable to attend.
You'll never please everyone with the date, but using a tool like Doodle allows you to poll the hens and work out which date suits the majority of them.
To avoid drama, try not to clash it with someone else's wedding, honeymoon or hen - leaving a week or two in between is thoughtful (easier said than done if there's a bunch of friends getting married in the same timeframe!). Likewise, avoid the couple of weeks before Christmas or the first few weeks in January if you can - people are often either busy or broke!
5. Planning Activities
Activities are an important part of hen planning, and again, the bride is the priority when it comes to deciding what to do. That said though, make sure any activities are as inclusive as possible. Things like dance classes, spa treatments, cocktail classes, karaoke, life drawing, murder mysteries or craft sessions make great options, because everyone can take part whatever their ability level or interest.
It can be frustrating when some hens want to opt out of activities, as it ends up splitting the group, so keep that in mind before you book a weekend-long bootcamp! Oh and make-sure you're considerate of pregnant hens and mums or older guests when you're making your plans too.
Likewise, it can be tempting to pack in a lot over the day or weekend (gaps in itineraries give me the fear!) but downtime is important too - guests will get majorly cranky if they feel like they're being herded from one activity to the next. Give your bride and her hens time to have the chats, get dressed up for the night ahead, and just flake out and be hungover - they'll thank you for it!
6. Going Abroad
Some brides will have their heart set on a city break or a weekend in the sun for their hen party - check out our full guide to planning a hen party abroad - but if that's your bride, you need to be honest with her if you can't afford it. If you and the other bridesmaids can swing it, great - plan away!
When you're sending out the invites, make sure that everyone on the guest list knows that there is no obligation whatsoever for them to come - you really don't want friends to feel pressured to spend a lot of money they don't have, and you don't want them giving out about how they were 'forced into going'.
Likewise, make sure the bride is prepped that everyone she wants there, might not be able to attend.
7. All In The Logistics
If you do have a gang travelling for a hen, whether it's overseas or a drive away, try to make the logistics as smooth as possible. Choose a flight or a train that's at a good time for the bulk of the group, think about planning a pick-up from the train station or the airport, and make sure restaurants are booked, so you're not walking around as a group trying to decide where to eat.
People aren't at their best when they're tired, hungry or don't know what's going on, so outlining the plan of action for the weekend, and making it as smooth as possible will minimise moaning and make you a great host!
8. Communication is Key
And in the same vein as all things logistical, communication is really important, from the initial invitations to removing guesswork on the budget and the itinerary.
WhatsApp is a handy tool for getting everyone excited about the build-up, and for on the hen night weekend itself - "Everyone meet in the lobby in 20 minutes" etc.
But for the main logistical information, it's probably best to stick to email, so details don't get lost in a stream of chatter.
9. All About the Bride
The main thing you need to remember throughout the planning is your bride. Give her the kind of send-off she deserves, make it fun, personal, and memorable - for all the right reasons.
Don't give her shots and strippers if she's more of a tea and scones kind of girl, and don't bring her welly tossing if she'd prefer to be pampered in a spa.
And if any drama kicks off (hopefully it won't!), or if anyone gives out about the location, the activities or the price, don't involve the bride - this is her weekend to relax and have fun, so keep any squabbles off her (L!) plate.
Now, after all that - who's for a glass of bubbly?
More Handy Reads for Hen Party Planning:
- Hen Ideas for a Pregnant Bride
- Should You Bring Your Mam to Your Hen
- Mr & Mrs Quiz Questions
- How Well Do You Know the Bride Questions
- The Most Popular Stag Night Ideas
- Ultimate List of Hen Party Ideas
- Guides for Planning a Hen Party
- Alcohol-Free Hen Party Ideas
- Ideas for a Mixed Gender Hen or Stag
Listen & Subscribe to The One Fab Day Wedding Podcast
You can listen to the One Fab Day Wedding Podcast wherever you get your podcasts, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!
